Jesus Take the Wheel

My sister posted part of this song as her Facebook status the other day.  And not only is it a beautiful song, but the message is truly amazing.  I think that sometimes, I need to not be afraid to leave some of my decisions and emotions to God and let him help decipher my next move.  Since TJ died, I have had a very difficult time getting motivated to go to church, to pray, sometimes even to believe.  But there are moments, when I see someone else suffering and looking for guidance, and I can sense that they are praying, that they are depending on God to get through this, they are letting Jesus take the wheel.  I think my relationship with God is very fragile right now, and I am still angry and struggling to understand.  But to echo what a friend told me (and I may have posted before), accidents happen, and God is there for us after the fact to help us survive it.  I am trying so hard to open up to God again, because I do believe it will help me...but something is holding me back, like I have a wall  up or something.  But little reminders like this song, or my friends saying "I love you" even if I didn't do anything special, or the generosity of people this time of year, help me know that I might be a little off course, but God didn't disappear, he's just waiting until I'm ready to let him take the wheel.

Jesus Take the Wheel

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati

On a snow white Christmas Eve

Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy

With the baby in the backseat

Fifty miles to go and she was running low

On faith and gasoline

It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention

She was going way too fast

Before she knew it she was spinning

On a thin black sheet of glass

She saw both their lives flash before her eyes

She didn't even have time to cry

She was so scared

She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Jesus, take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder

And the car came to a stop

She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat

Sleeping like a rock

And for the first time in a long time

She bowed her head to pray

She said I'm sorry for the way

I've been living my life

I know I've got to change

So from now on tonight

Jesus, take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Oh Jesus, take the wheel

Oh, I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I'm on

From this road I'm on

Jesus, take the wheel

Oh, take it, take it from me

Oh, why, ooh

YouTube video if you want to hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lydBPm2KRaU

My tattoo

Today marks the 3 month anniversary of losing TJ and I realized I never posted or explained the tattoo that I got.  I think I kind of want to clarify how I feel about TJ and losing him first.  I know that TJ was not my best friend and that I hadn't seen him in a year, nor talked to him in a few weeks prior to his death...but TJ was the nicest, kindest, funniest, most amazing person I have ever known.  I sometimes confuse myself as to why it hurts me so much, why it hurts almost as much as I imagine it would feel to lose a true best friend.  I think what hurts the most is that not only did I lose a friend, but the world lost one of the true good people.  We lost a person who didn't pass judgment, worked hard, liked everyone, and made the most of every day.  That is what makes losing TJ the hardest, and it makes me regret not having talked to him more often.  I hope he knows how I really feel and that he's watching over all of us right now.


OK, so my tattoo.  About six years ago, our group of friends did a Christmas gift exchange...I think it was supposed to be a secret santa exchange.  Well, I drew TJ's name and I totally blew the secret and let him know I had him, but that I'd like to get him exactly what he wanted for Christmas.  So TJ came over one night after school and took me to a website where he picked out a belt buckle.  It was pretty sweet, so I ordered it for him.  From then on, TJ wore that belt buckle almost daily.  Throughout college, we'd always crack jokes about it, we even took a picture with it.  

That buckle is one thing that will always remind me of TJ and make me smile.  I know it is little, but it means a lot to me because I know how much he loved it.  So I know that TJ's favorite flower is a carnation, but for me, I always think of a rose when I think of TJ.  That is how I decided what I was going to get for my tattoo.


I already had a tattoo I got a few years back with my sister and I truly could not think of any other place on my body for a new tattoo, so I added on to it.  The cross I had with the original tattoo had a little "L" inside of it for my childhood best friend Lindsey, who passed away when we were in high school.

 I kind of came up with the design, but I'm no artist.  Once I saw what the tattoo artist drew up, I was very happy with the look.

The design

It actually didn't hurt too bad, and it was well worth it.

Halfway through...outline only

Filling it all in

 When I got home, I was pretty emotional...this is forever...TJ is gone forever.  I will never forget  him, or our memories, or that belt buckle.  But with the knowledge that TJ is in our hearts and would want us to be happy, I can remember him with a smile on my face. 

I miss you TJ, thank you for all of the good times.  You are so loved <3