I Will Miss This

I am on the verge of going into labor with baby number two. Like, probably within a couple of days, definitely in less than a week. It's exciting right?! But for some reason, it is sooooo bittersweet for me. I feel a sense of mourning as our time as a family of three comes to an end. I have cried occasionally when I've been struck by the fact that Claire will no longer be my one-and-only, which we had actually planned for at one point. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited, but this change is huge - and I'm not 100% prepared!

So in the middle of the night tonight, I had to sneak into Claire's room and climb into bed with her. She knew I came in and with the sweetest and softest voice said, "Hi momma," with a smile on her face. She didn't even open her eyes all the way, but she shifted her position in bed so that I could lay next to her. It's like she knew what I needed. I laid down next to her and just held my "baby" for awhile. I needed that.

It is impossible for me to grasp how I'll be able to love another as much as I love her. I mean, I've had a little training when my newest nephew was born last month. Jackson, my first nephew, had been the apple of my eye right behind Claire. But along came Caleb, and my love just grew! So I can at least understand what people say about your heart growing, not your love dividing. But as I lay there holding Claire in the middle of the night, I still could not believe that my heart can grow THAT MUCH. Sometimes, it's like she has everything that I have to give... and if I give anymore, I might disappear.

I am ready to meet baby girl number two, my body feels ready and mentally, I'm pretty much there. But for every hour and day she's not here yet, I am going to cherish my time with Claire, and Ryan, as a perfect little family of three. The family that feels so complete, but God must know something we don't. It will be amazing to have it all fall into place once baby girl makes her arrival, but for now, I am soaking this all in.