My tattoo

Today marks the 3 month anniversary of losing TJ and I realized I never posted or explained the tattoo that I got.  I think I kind of want to clarify how I feel about TJ and losing him first.  I know that TJ was not my best friend and that I hadn't seen him in a year, nor talked to him in a few weeks prior to his death...but TJ was the nicest, kindest, funniest, most amazing person I have ever known.  I sometimes confuse myself as to why it hurts me so much, why it hurts almost as much as I imagine it would feel to lose a true best friend.  I think what hurts the most is that not only did I lose a friend, but the world lost one of the true good people.  We lost a person who didn't pass judgment, worked hard, liked everyone, and made the most of every day.  That is what makes losing TJ the hardest, and it makes me regret not having talked to him more often.  I hope he knows how I really feel and that he's watching over all of us right now.

OK, so my tattoo.  About six years ago, our group of friends did a Christmas gift exchange...I think it was supposed to be a secret santa exchange.  Well, I drew TJ's name and I totally blew the secret and let him know I had him, but that I'd like to get him exactly what he wanted for Christmas.  So TJ came over one night after school and took me to a website where he picked out a belt buckle.  It was pretty sweet, so I ordered it for him.  From then on, TJ wore that belt buckle almost daily.  Throughout college, we'd always crack jokes about it, we even took a picture with it.  
That buckle is one thing that will always remind me of TJ and make me smile.  I know it is little, but it means a lot to me because I know how much he loved it.  So I know that TJ's favorite flower is a carnation, but for me, I always think of a rose when I think of TJ.  That is how I decided what I was going to get for my tattoo.

I already had a tattoo I got a few years back with my sister and I truly could not think of any other place on my body for a new tattoo, so I added on to it.  The cross I had with the original tattoo had a little "L" inside of it for my childhood best friend Lindsey, who passed away when we were in high school.
 I kind of came up with the design, but I'm no artist.  Once I saw what the tattoo artist drew up, I was very happy with the look.
The design
It actually didn't hurt too bad, and it was well worth it.
Halfway through...outline only
Filling it all in
 When I got home, I was pretty emotional...this is forever...TJ is gone forever.  I will never forget  him, or our memories, or that belt buckle.  But with the knowledge that TJ is in our hearts and would want us to be happy, I can remember him with a smile on my face. 

I miss you TJ, thank you for all of the good times.  You are so loved <3

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